Sunday, July 26, 2015

The reality of suck

Growing up, I was told that I shouldn't have a bad attitude about things. I should obey my parent's directions immediately and happily. Or at least make it seem that way. There are some obvious problems with this but, depending on your parenting philosophy, no real solutions.

As I have gotten older and realized that there is value in being emotionally honest with myself, I have been forced to actually feel things. My upbringing taught me to gloss over or suppress a lot of emotions because they didn't matter in the family economy. So adulting has now required a certain amount of unlearning. Because guess what? Sometimes, reality sucks.

In unlearning though, I have hit an interesting road block. I am feeling things but I am not always sure the value or place of some of these emotions. Maybe this is my personality but I am still trying to figure out what to do with these feelings that are now filling my head and heart.

So what do you do? What do you do when parenting sucks? Or when work stress is overwhelming? Or you get so intensely lonely that you aren't sure what to do and start getting that crazy look in your eyes? Or what about when you see something so mind-blowingly beautiful that you can't fully process it? What about when a loved one dies? Or disaster strikes your country, community?

I'm still figuring that all out, figuring out how to process grief, love, beauty, awareness. But one thing I have realized is that I need to lean into those feelings. Hiding from them doesn't change them. But leaning into them. Leaning into them may be the only way I will learn how to feel and act in balance.

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